her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
