You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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