I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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