I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
