Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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