he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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