Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
