Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
