there's paper in my vomit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
