Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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