Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
