Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
