pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
