I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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