I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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