You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
