I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
