Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
