And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
