i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we're so committed to being not committed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
