Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
