So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My cat gives me a boner
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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