i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
