but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
