It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
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