I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
