my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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