he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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