Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
