i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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