i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
