my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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