I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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