Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
