just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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