i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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