Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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