You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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