hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
