Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
