when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
