The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
