I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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