It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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