Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So squirting runs in the family.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
