I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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