I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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