BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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