Dual....:-)
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
