hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
